It has been a busy couple weeks in our family, and now I'm at the awkward calm before the storm, where I feel like there is SOMETHING I should be doing, but everything has to wait for a certain time, and now is not that time. First and foremost, moving. Moving has been consuming a lot of time, a lot of thought, a lot of stress. I hate it. HATE it. I wish I could think of a stronger, more defining word for how much I loathe it, because it would be that word, x about 100, give or take. But right now, everything is packed. The house feels like a DISASTER b/c the few things that we need to live somewhat comfortably are strewn about with no real place to go. Clothes are in ThirtyOne totes stacked on dressers, paper plates and cups are stacked in the kitchen, and food that needs no real prep material is scattered about the kitchen. I hate moving!!!! And without even realizing it, last night was my last night in the house, as I am going on a trip and then we make the move into my aunt's and uncle's. I was downright sad to leave this house, but, as always, after packing and prepping to move, I'm ready to go!
In WAY more EXCITING news: I see my husband VERY VERY VERY soon!!!!!!!! Like I could count it in days or hours as opposed to weeks and months!!!! My poor children have no idea of mine and Daniel's reunion because I'm a terrible, selfish mother. :) Smiley face aside, I really do feel badly for lying to them. I'm meeting Daniel at Fort Bragg and will spend 3 glorious days with him, then return to our kiddos and the final stages of moving. It was not at all practical to take the three kids with me, and I know if I told them I was going they would NEVER forgive me. I feel incredibly guilty, and just to test my theory, I asked Julian the other day if he would be mad at me if I saw Daddy but he couldn't (yeah, my own guilt brought on a bad idea). So J said, "I would probably never forgive you, why?!" and in my amazing motherly ways, I lied, "because I got to facetime with him earlier while you were at school. Are you mad?" He seemed disgruntled but quickly forgot about it. Regardless, it proved that my reunion has to be TOP SECRET. So consider yourself part of a very secret club...and don't tell my kids!!! No, seriously, don't tell my kids. Someday, very far away, when they are adults and married and understand the value of good sex and private time with their spouse...I probably still won't tell them.
A lot of family is coming together to make my trip possible. My mom and her husband are taking ALL THREE KIDS while I am gone, which is huge. And exhausting. And I am so grateful. My mother in law is staying with the pups at my house and keeping an eye on things, which is another huge burden lifted (because living in this packing hell is NOT fun!). And other family members are on standby to help with the kids when the moment arises. Gosh, I am grateful. How many people have this kind of support? Not all, that's for sure!
Well, I'm off to count days and hours and give my kids extra kisses before I go!
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Movin, movin, movin
I hate moving. Well, I hate this side of moving. The packing, sorting, loading, planning, prep, and praying that everyone who offered to help on the big day will be able to show! I hate it. And it has started, maybe even a week too late. The moving truck comes in two weeks and 4 days, and I don't know how I'll be ready, because though I have lived in 17 different houses in my life (some more than once), I have never, ever packed up a house of 5 people all.by.my.self. I hate it.
And in the middle of all that, I feel like there is a lot more of this than normal:
And not nearly enough of this:
In addition to our move, we are planning for after-Army life through my constant job hunt. I'm applying to jobs every day, and today I had a phone interview. It's hard to not know where we are going to end up, maybe even more than in Army life, because at least then we knew we had an Army community to fall back on. Wherever we are going, there most likely will not be that.
Well, just wanted to throw in a quick update. I have some hints to when D should be stateside, but am not willing to even put a hint of it into print for fear of jinxing it.
And in the middle of all that, I feel like there is a lot more of this than normal:
And not nearly enough of this:
In addition to our move, we are planning for after-Army life through my constant job hunt. I'm applying to jobs every day, and today I had a phone interview. It's hard to not know where we are going to end up, maybe even more than in Army life, because at least then we knew we had an Army community to fall back on. Wherever we are going, there most likely will not be that.
Well, just wanted to throw in a quick update. I have some hints to when D should be stateside, but am not willing to even put a hint of it into print for fear of jinxing it.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
One Year
Daniel left one year ago today. One year ago today we woke early and cuddled together on the couch while watching an episode of Spartacus together. We had coffee and tried very hard to pretend that we weren't afraid of the hours, days, months and year to come. We loaded the car with his suitcase, then drove to my mother in laws where Daniel said a difficult goodbye to Hazel and Julian, as we didn't want to take them to the airport and put them through the drama of watching him board a plane and truly leave; it felt easier to leave them in the distracting care of cousins, gramma, and Auntie. We then picked up my mom and her husband and with Carver drove to the airport. My post from April 11 goes into a little more detail about that amazingness of Delta Airlines and our time at the airport http://sabrinasarmylife.blogspot.com/2012/04/great-is-thy-faithfulness.html. It was a hard goodbye and as much as I tried to not even consider it, I remember memorizing his face, his mannerisms, his voice, his everything for "just in case." Still today, I can close my eyes and see him standing at the gate, his backpack slung over his shoulder, giving me a last look before boarding, a look that seemed to say, "I never wanted this for us" and maybe even "I'm sorry."
That was a year ago today. I try to think back over everything that has happened in that time and am overwhelmed, both with good and challenging. I am so much more independent now that I ever dreamed of being before. The kids and I have come a long way in adjusting, and Daniel and I have grown separately and grown together. I am proud of myself, proud of my children, SO SO proud of my husband. And I am Thankful. My word, am I thankful. To family that took me in weekend after weekend when I needed loving voices in earshot, companions surrounding me, other mothers as watchful eyes to my babies when my own eyes were too tired. To family that scooped up my older two many a night and distracted them with fun activities and sleepovers while I rested and recuperated with Carver. Friends who listened while I whined, complained, boo-hoo'd, woe'd is me, and pouted. Friends who were always up to grabbing a drink and lending an ear. I am thankful for my husband, who was patient as I rode various waves of emotion - anger, jealousy, uncertainty, fear, triumph. Julian, who acted as the little man in our house even though I never meant to ask it of him. Many a times he has helped me and been so brave, so big, so far beyond his six or seven years, always forgiving me for my shortcomings. Hazel, who had a big year of changes in trying to figure out how to cope in this big, big world. She is (for the most part) such a delight these days and so far from the little girl who would throw fits every few minutes (oh, I think back on those months and want to weep for the difficulty of it all; I thought we would never see the other side of it!). For Carv, who is growing up with just a mother now and knows very little else, but has a big heart and will welcome and adore his Daddy. For God. For allowing my husband to survive, for allowing all of us to survive, in every sense of the word. For helping us to grow, for forgiving me in my doubt and fear, for loving me in my ugliness, for making us new every single day.
We still aren't done. Daniel is still in Afghanistan for a few more weeks, maybe even another month or so. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel that flickers and winks when I start to feel overwhelmed, and I am thrilled at the closeness of making it through. We have made it a year. God, let us finish strong and safe and in joy.
That was a year ago today. I try to think back over everything that has happened in that time and am overwhelmed, both with good and challenging. I am so much more independent now that I ever dreamed of being before. The kids and I have come a long way in adjusting, and Daniel and I have grown separately and grown together. I am proud of myself, proud of my children, SO SO proud of my husband. And I am Thankful. My word, am I thankful. To family that took me in weekend after weekend when I needed loving voices in earshot, companions surrounding me, other mothers as watchful eyes to my babies when my own eyes were too tired. To family that scooped up my older two many a night and distracted them with fun activities and sleepovers while I rested and recuperated with Carver. Friends who listened while I whined, complained, boo-hoo'd, woe'd is me, and pouted. Friends who were always up to grabbing a drink and lending an ear. I am thankful for my husband, who was patient as I rode various waves of emotion - anger, jealousy, uncertainty, fear, triumph. Julian, who acted as the little man in our house even though I never meant to ask it of him. Many a times he has helped me and been so brave, so big, so far beyond his six or seven years, always forgiving me for my shortcomings. Hazel, who had a big year of changes in trying to figure out how to cope in this big, big world. She is (for the most part) such a delight these days and so far from the little girl who would throw fits every few minutes (oh, I think back on those months and want to weep for the difficulty of it all; I thought we would never see the other side of it!). For Carv, who is growing up with just a mother now and knows very little else, but has a big heart and will welcome and adore his Daddy. For God. For allowing my husband to survive, for allowing all of us to survive, in every sense of the word. For helping us to grow, for forgiving me in my doubt and fear, for loving me in my ugliness, for making us new every single day.
We still aren't done. Daniel is still in Afghanistan for a few more weeks, maybe even another month or so. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel that flickers and winks when I start to feel overwhelmed, and I am thrilled at the closeness of making it through. We have made it a year. God, let us finish strong and safe and in joy.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
The Final Rest Stop Blues
I am terrible at road trips. I wiggle and sigh, hmph as I calculate miles into minutes. While the entirety of the trip is a thorn in my side (and in the side of whoever I'm riding with), the last portion is absolutely, positively the worst. If the trip is 3 hours, you can bet that I'm completely miserable that last hour. If it's 12 hours, then hour 9 and on is going to be excruciating. When Daniel and I would live far from family and travel home for holidays, I would beg to just keep going those last few hours. I would cross my legs, ignore my thirsty lips, and beg the gas to hold out if it meant that we wouldn't have to stop within that last awful stint. Because stopping just seemed to make it worse. We would stand at the rest stop, stretching, and all the while I knew I had to climb back in that darned car and continue on. And Daniel would say, "We only have ___ more to go; we're almost there!" And that made it even worse.
Right now, in this deployment, I feel like I'm at the last rest stop. That part where I'm thirsty, I need to pee, I want to stretch, I'm running out of gas, but if I stop I might not be able to get back into that car and onto that road.
I have to say that I can't imagine the feelings of those who have lost loved ones (not just in the military, but in general). Because after some time, people go back to their normal lives and forget that your world still hurts and is dark and can be overwhelmingly sucky. Please, please, please don't think I'm comparing this deployment as a whole to losing a loved one - I truly do know how blessed I am and that isn't what I mean by that statement. I have, however, watched as everyone assumes that time has passed and you're good as gold with your new reality. Somewhere along the line people stopped saying, "I don't know how you're doing it" to "I don't know how you did it." Did it? I didn't realize I "did" it already. Last time I checked I was still DOING it. I still have some 7 weeks to go, and while that is a VERY small in comparison to the 46-ish weeks I have already done, I am still not at the end. And here, at this last rest stop, where it feels like people have forgotten to ask if I need help, if I'm doing ok, if I just need some company or a break from my little blessings who are driving me bat-poo crazy, here it feels like the hardest part of the trip.
If I can get past the mental part of all of this, though, we really are in an amazing place, and every once in a while, after a rare night of good sleep, I can see that shimmer of awesomeness. Daniel isn't likely to be on any more missions before he comes home, and although our communication has been taken away at this time, it's so reassuring to know that he is, for the most part, in a safe place. While we have no idea of the future months upon his return, they can be fun to consider when I don't let them overwhelm me. Currently I am hunting for an English teaching job and I am trying not to let the encouragement and discouragement of others on where I should and should not be hunting tear me down. Everyone has an opinion, few have a plan.
Aside from the daily stress of getting through each day and the unspecific worry of our future, I had a job interview on Monday. I interviewed two hours from home at a residential facility for delinquent teen girls. I'm awaiting hearing back from the facility, but I have a lot of reservations both ways, and the unknown has never been easy for me. The other night, though, while reading my book about praying for my hubs I came across this verse: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." I still have panicked and pitied myself and worried since then, but when I allow myself to be reasonable enough to bring it to mind, it's a huge comfort.
I suppose it's time to leave the figurative rest stop and climb back into the car. I'm going to try hard to leave my self-pity, bitterness and worry behind, and maybe along the way I can pick up a dose of gratitude and trust on the side of the road.
Right now, in this deployment, I feel like I'm at the last rest stop. That part where I'm thirsty, I need to pee, I want to stretch, I'm running out of gas, but if I stop I might not be able to get back into that car and onto that road.
I have to say that I can't imagine the feelings of those who have lost loved ones (not just in the military, but in general). Because after some time, people go back to their normal lives and forget that your world still hurts and is dark and can be overwhelmingly sucky. Please, please, please don't think I'm comparing this deployment as a whole to losing a loved one - I truly do know how blessed I am and that isn't what I mean by that statement. I have, however, watched as everyone assumes that time has passed and you're good as gold with your new reality. Somewhere along the line people stopped saying, "I don't know how you're doing it" to "I don't know how you did it." Did it? I didn't realize I "did" it already. Last time I checked I was still DOING it. I still have some 7 weeks to go, and while that is a VERY small in comparison to the 46-ish weeks I have already done, I am still not at the end. And here, at this last rest stop, where it feels like people have forgotten to ask if I need help, if I'm doing ok, if I just need some company or a break from my little blessings who are driving me bat-poo crazy, here it feels like the hardest part of the trip.
If I can get past the mental part of all of this, though, we really are in an amazing place, and every once in a while, after a rare night of good sleep, I can see that shimmer of awesomeness. Daniel isn't likely to be on any more missions before he comes home, and although our communication has been taken away at this time, it's so reassuring to know that he is, for the most part, in a safe place. While we have no idea of the future months upon his return, they can be fun to consider when I don't let them overwhelm me. Currently I am hunting for an English teaching job and I am trying not to let the encouragement and discouragement of others on where I should and should not be hunting tear me down. Everyone has an opinion, few have a plan.
Aside from the daily stress of getting through each day and the unspecific worry of our future, I had a job interview on Monday. I interviewed two hours from home at a residential facility for delinquent teen girls. I'm awaiting hearing back from the facility, but I have a lot of reservations both ways, and the unknown has never been easy for me. The other night, though, while reading my book about praying for my hubs I came across this verse: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." I still have panicked and pitied myself and worried since then, but when I allow myself to be reasonable enough to bring it to mind, it's a huge comfort.
I suppose it's time to leave the figurative rest stop and climb back into the car. I'm going to try hard to leave my self-pity, bitterness and worry behind, and maybe along the way I can pick up a dose of gratitude and trust on the side of the road.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
I've Got the Power
You know that super catchy 90's song "I've Got the Power"? It's stuck in my head now. Why? Oh, I'm so glad you asked!
My dear friend Heather gave me the book "Praying God's Word for your Husband" for Christmas. We hadn't talked about it at all; she simply messaged me one day and said she got this book for me and it should be arriving soon. It came while Daniel was home on leave, so I looked it over quickly, then tucked it away until I "had time." Yesterday morning I decided it was time that I make time. Make time for the book, but more accurately make time to start doing morning devotions. It's been a LONG time since I've started my day with God, and looking back, it's amazing to me that He has allowed this year to go so smoothly with me ambling my way through it each day with merely a harried, desperate prayer here and there. So yesterday I started the book and read the first chapter, titled How to Use this Book. I wasn't sure I was going to like it. It sounded like it was written for women who were in a struggling marriage and they didn't particularly want to pray for their husbands, but their marriage depended on such an act. Please don't think I'm bragging, because God knows Daniel and I have had our bumps and downright large friggen pot holes along the way, but for the most part, we are in a happy, healthy, and very loving marriage. So I thought, "well, I'll give the book a couple more days, and if it doesn't suit, maybe I can think of a friend to give it to". Today I made my coffee after dropping J and H at school (measuring out each bit and adding it to my fitness tracker like every good chubby girl does just after the new year) and snuggled up on the couch to begin reading while Carver roamed the living room munching on his pancakeys (watching him slobber all over them and leave little pieces on my floor is a lot cuter if I call them pancakeYs, trust me). Ok, anyway, back to the book. Today's chapter was titled Preparing Your Heart for Prayer for your Husband. It was a short chapter, but it really emphasized to me the idea that maybe this book was for a troubled marriage instead of "my" marriage. Since it was so short I decided to read one more and then if it doesn't pick up I'll shelf it for now. The next chapter was Why Pray this Way. I didn't get far. Not because it wasn't good, but because suddenly, it was speaking to me and my prayer design. The author, Kathi Lipp, started the chapter by saying, "When Roger and I were first married, I took the shooting-gallery approach to praying for him" (Lipp, p31). Um, YEAH! That sounds similar to my prayers! God, be with Daniel. Keep him safe. Give him Christian friends there. Help him to stay healthy and heal his cold quickly if it's your will. I pray he isn't lonely but misses us enough to want to come home. If it's your will, bring him home.... nope, can't say that one, because I can't deal with it not being His will, so I often just ignore that piece. Pow, pow, pow. Did I hit every area of his life to cover him enough in prayer?
Now let me clarify, it's not that I don't WANT to pray for him, but the thoughts of all his needs and what exactly he needs prayer for overwhelms me, and I'm tired and overwhelmed and WHAT IF what I want for him isn't what God wants for him? So I just skip over that part, like when the kids ask if I'll get them a snack and I pretend not to hear them in hopes they forget.
So now, I'm intrigued, and I keep reading. How does she pray now that makes it different? Is it really a method so substantial that it can completely alter my prayer life for more than just a few days? This is when I really started to get interested: she said that she always prayed "your will be done" or "I want what you want, God". Yep, that's how I pray! Isn't that how all good Christians pray? Especially us Baptists! :) And then, doesn't it feel almost a little silly to pray? Like I'm just reminding God that His ideas are the best and that's what we will go with? Now please don't think I'm saying that isn't true - God's ideas obviously ARE the best and that's what I want to be ok with, but praying that way feels invaluable, impersonal, and redundant. So how to change it?
Pray the scriptures! Duh (I use that phrase a lot and while I was student teaching my ninth graders informed me it wasn't cool anymore and hadn't been for a long time; I just can't seem to let it go, though!). I have always, since the time I was small, been taught that the Bible and the scriptures are a sword we can use in battle. Arm yourself! Learn your verses (and you can win a small gold fish at the end of the year!). But for whatever reason, in the way she said it at that moment, I got it. If I pray the scriptures, then why do I need to say "your will"? It's the scriptures! Of course it's His will! So "God, please be a refuge and strength to Daniel. Show him that you are his ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1). "God, help Daniel to be righteous. You say that 'the righteous person may have many troubles, but but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken" (Psalm 34: 19-20).
I've got the power. Not because I'm so strong and great and righteous. Because God has GIVEN it to me in His word. "Sabrina, here is my plan for you in all these pages. Pray my will - you'll find it RIGHT HERE. And then, you will be awarded the desires of your heart because if you are praying the scriptures and seeking them out, then you are a women after My heart, and My will." My will will mesh with His because we'll be on the same page. DUH, Sabrina! :) "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" (John 15:7). God can promise me this because if I'm in his words, my desires are His. I'll continue in chapter 3 tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it!
I'll continue my telling of leave tomorrow. I've yacked enough today. :)
My dear friend Heather gave me the book "Praying God's Word for your Husband" for Christmas. We hadn't talked about it at all; she simply messaged me one day and said she got this book for me and it should be arriving soon. It came while Daniel was home on leave, so I looked it over quickly, then tucked it away until I "had time." Yesterday morning I decided it was time that I make time. Make time for the book, but more accurately make time to start doing morning devotions. It's been a LONG time since I've started my day with God, and looking back, it's amazing to me that He has allowed this year to go so smoothly with me ambling my way through it each day with merely a harried, desperate prayer here and there. So yesterday I started the book and read the first chapter, titled How to Use this Book. I wasn't sure I was going to like it. It sounded like it was written for women who were in a struggling marriage and they didn't particularly want to pray for their husbands, but their marriage depended on such an act. Please don't think I'm bragging, because God knows Daniel and I have had our bumps and downright large friggen pot holes along the way, but for the most part, we are in a happy, healthy, and very loving marriage. So I thought, "well, I'll give the book a couple more days, and if it doesn't suit, maybe I can think of a friend to give it to". Today I made my coffee after dropping J and H at school (measuring out each bit and adding it to my fitness tracker like every good chubby girl does just after the new year) and snuggled up on the couch to begin reading while Carver roamed the living room munching on his pancakeys (watching him slobber all over them and leave little pieces on my floor is a lot cuter if I call them pancakeYs, trust me). Ok, anyway, back to the book. Today's chapter was titled Preparing Your Heart for Prayer for your Husband. It was a short chapter, but it really emphasized to me the idea that maybe this book was for a troubled marriage instead of "my" marriage. Since it was so short I decided to read one more and then if it doesn't pick up I'll shelf it for now. The next chapter was Why Pray this Way. I didn't get far. Not because it wasn't good, but because suddenly, it was speaking to me and my prayer design. The author, Kathi Lipp, started the chapter by saying, "When Roger and I were first married, I took the shooting-gallery approach to praying for him" (Lipp, p31). Um, YEAH! That sounds similar to my prayers! God, be with Daniel. Keep him safe. Give him Christian friends there. Help him to stay healthy and heal his cold quickly if it's your will. I pray he isn't lonely but misses us enough to want to come home. If it's your will, bring him home.... nope, can't say that one, because I can't deal with it not being His will, so I often just ignore that piece. Pow, pow, pow. Did I hit every area of his life to cover him enough in prayer?
Now let me clarify, it's not that I don't WANT to pray for him, but the thoughts of all his needs and what exactly he needs prayer for overwhelms me, and I'm tired and overwhelmed and WHAT IF what I want for him isn't what God wants for him? So I just skip over that part, like when the kids ask if I'll get them a snack and I pretend not to hear them in hopes they forget.
So now, I'm intrigued, and I keep reading. How does she pray now that makes it different? Is it really a method so substantial that it can completely alter my prayer life for more than just a few days? This is when I really started to get interested: she said that she always prayed "your will be done" or "I want what you want, God". Yep, that's how I pray! Isn't that how all good Christians pray? Especially us Baptists! :) And then, doesn't it feel almost a little silly to pray? Like I'm just reminding God that His ideas are the best and that's what we will go with? Now please don't think I'm saying that isn't true - God's ideas obviously ARE the best and that's what I want to be ok with, but praying that way feels invaluable, impersonal, and redundant. So how to change it?
Pray the scriptures! Duh (I use that phrase a lot and while I was student teaching my ninth graders informed me it wasn't cool anymore and hadn't been for a long time; I just can't seem to let it go, though!). I have always, since the time I was small, been taught that the Bible and the scriptures are a sword we can use in battle. Arm yourself! Learn your verses (and you can win a small gold fish at the end of the year!). But for whatever reason, in the way she said it at that moment, I got it. If I pray the scriptures, then why do I need to say "your will"? It's the scriptures! Of course it's His will! So "God, please be a refuge and strength to Daniel. Show him that you are his ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1). "God, help Daniel to be righteous. You say that 'the righteous person may have many troubles, but but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken" (Psalm 34: 19-20).
I've got the power. Not because I'm so strong and great and righteous. Because God has GIVEN it to me in His word. "Sabrina, here is my plan for you in all these pages. Pray my will - you'll find it RIGHT HERE. And then, you will be awarded the desires of your heart because if you are praying the scriptures and seeking them out, then you are a women after My heart, and My will." My will will mesh with His because we'll be on the same page. DUH, Sabrina! :) "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" (John 15:7). God can promise me this because if I'm in his words, my desires are His. I'll continue in chapter 3 tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it!
I'll continue my telling of leave tomorrow. I've yacked enough today. :)
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Leave - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Leave has come and gone, and we are now 5 days into his second part of the deployment which, thankfully, is only about 4 months long.
Now, leave is a wonderful concept. It's something to look forward to when they board that plane for the first time; it's a reprieve that seems attainable. Daniel and I waited until month 8 of his deployment for him to take leave, and since he was at Fort Dix awaiting a flight to Afghanistan for a month, we were technically at the 9 month mark of living separately. So leave was still far off when he left the first time, but it still felt a lot closer than the end of the deployment. I tried to listen to the advice of all my fellow Army spouses when it came to planning leave - make time for just our little family, don't rush around the whole time, just be together as a family. So, with this advice in mind, Daniel and I planned our leave. It fell over Christmas break, so we would use the holiday to see extended family. Also, Carv's first birthday took place while D was home, so we planned a party so we could see family and friends all at once, thus freeing up more days for just us and the kids. To enhance our time as just our little family of five, we booked a two night vacay for Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio. Finally, because he came home almost a week after originally planned, he was going to be here for New Year's, so we decided to go visit some friends out of town. So we had 16 days in which to have Carver's bday, Christmas, vacation, and a visit to friends. It seemed simple enough and seemed to offer a lot of family time.
Leave, Day One: Daniel flew into Pitt around 5 the evening of the 19th. My wonderful cousin Olivia watched the baby during the day, and my mom took them for the evening. My cousin Samantha did my hair and makeup, and my aunt, Samantha, and friend Josh helped pick my outfit a few days before. I was ready! The airport, and Delta specifically, was amazing and let me go to the gate to greet him. Seeing him walk out of the gate was incredible. There he was, right in front of me, and suddenly it seemed like he hadn't even been gone. I know that sounds so cheesy, but we were us again. We left the airport and went to my mom's to surprise the kids, who had no idea what their "Christmas surprise" was going to be. Their faces when they saw their daddy were incredible! Julian's mouth just hung open, and then he ran to Daniel. Hazel didn't even realize what was happening just behind her (daniel and julian reuniting) and was chatting away until she saw him. Then, after a moment of uncertainty of what to do, she ran to him as well. They were so cute, trying to steal his attention, climbing all over him, just loving having him home. Carv was leery, but still played with him from afar or from the safety of my arms. The first night together as a family was wonderful, and leave was off to a great start.
 |
| I love the kids faces in this picture; it's so indicative of how we all felt. Hazel - not really sure what to think of it all, but just HAPPY!!! Julian - absolute bliss. Carver - Who heck is this guy?? Lol. |
-------------------------------> Insert Unexpected Life Events Here. <------------------------------------
On day two of Daniel's leave my mom called me about mid afternoon. My grampa had fallen at a bank on Main street and was at the hospital. My mom was more than a half hour away and asked me to go over with my aunt to see how grampa was. I was shocked to go in and find him on a back-board, his head braced still, a huge bloody gash on his head. A CT scan had revealed that he was bleeding on the brain, and before we could even take it all in, they were rushing him to a hospital in Pitt that was more capable of handling his situation. I couldn't believe it, and still cant. A fall?? He fell down four steps. FOUR. Is this really going to be what causes my strong, independent grandfather of 88 to deteriorate? It seemed like a sick joke.
Sunday morning, day 4 of leave, I woke up early with my hands feeling swollen and itchy. A look in the mirror told me something was wrong; my lips were puffy and my skin was red. By the time I woke Daniel and sent him off to the store for Benadryl, my mom was sending Harold over to watch the kids so Daniel could take me to the ER (Mom was headed to Pitt to be with grandpa). By the time we got the ER my tongue was swollen, my skin was red and hot with welts, my whole face was swollen, and my hands. They gave me an IV of Benadryl, epinephrine, and steroids, and after my looks returned to normal, we headed home for me to sleep off the Benadryl. Our plan for a nice morning at church was ruined.
The next few days continued as planned, with a few changes here and there because of Grampa's hospitalization. Additionally, Hazel was sent home from preschool with suspicion of pink eye. We began treating her immediately, praying that it wouldn't spread to the rest of the family. Carver's birthday party was wonderful and we had a lot of fun with everyone. Despite being with my grampa at the hospital all day, my mom and her husband, Harold, took the kids overnight for us. We had a wonderful evening together.
 |
| Happy First Birthday, Carver B!!! |
The next few days we celebrated Christmas with Daniel's family; it was really nice to have us all together again. Christmas morning was fantastic; the kids had a blast, especially because Daddy was home to enjoy it all with us.
Christmas day we went to Aunt Holly's; she and her fiance Sean slaved over Christmas dinner for us, despite all the time they had been traveling back and forth from the hospital. Though we all enjoyed family time, there was a heavy cloud over us with grampa in the hospital. We weren't sure of the details of Grampa's injury. One moment the doctors were saying that they expected a good recovery, despite Grampa being confused and combative. Next, there were great concern that brain surgery could be just around the corner. My devoted mom and Harold left our Christmas gathering early and rushed back down to the hospital to see Grampa for Christmas, whether Grampa could realize it or not. Finally, Christmas day ended with exchanging gifts and sharing the Christmas story with Daniel's family.
 |
| Merry Christmas! |
I struggled through leave to celebrate and enjoy being with Daniel knowing that Grampa was in the hospital and all of my family was scurrying around trying to care for him as best as they could. There was a lot of guilt at not going to be with him myself, even while others assured me that my place was with Daniel and the kids. Finally, though, things looked to be on the up with grampa. They were sending him back to our local hospital to start therapy now that he was stabilized.
Despite all the craziness with grampa, my gracious mom and Harold had Daniel, myself and the kids over for dinner so we could all exchange gifts. After gifts and dinner, we spent time playing with Julian's new nerf guns. It was a lot of family fun.
The following day was Great Wolf Lodge, so we headed home to pack up and prepare for our trip. I know some of the details of my sharing are tedious, but someday, I want to look back and remember all that leave was, despite the way it felt at the moment - but more about that tomorrow.
Monday, December 10, 2012
The Month-Long Week
I hoped, prayed and begged that this week would come, and all along, while praying, and begging, and hoping, I suspected that it would be a week that would drag on forever. Like the week before Christmas, or the week before vacation, or the week before the due date of your third child who is pressing heavily on your sciatic nerve and keeping you awake with bathroom breaks and baby hiccups...yeah, like that one. A day feels like a week, and the week itself feels like it will go on for AT LEAST a month. And all the while I keep telling myself, "You've already survived 35 weeks of him being gone; what's one more?" Ugh, it feels like everything.
I think what I hate the most about the entire "waiting" process is that I don't know exactly what it is that I'm waiting for. Well, I know WHAT it is I'm waiting for - a dramatic spectacle of a reunion in the middle of the airport, an emotional rejoining of my husband with my children, a much-needed vacation as a family, just one full night of sleep since having Carv, and doing something more exciting than folding clothes in the bedroom. ;)
Ok, so back to waiting - Daniel is currently at Bagram Airfield, and then has two more steps before making it to Pitt. His goal, our goal, is for him to make it on the 14th - sooner will send him back too closely to Christmas and later, well, later just sucks. And we go on vacay on Tuesday, so some down time before then would be nice. So all the stars, airplanes, and time-zones must align to get Daniel on an available plane when need be. All of this being said, my controlling side is in misery that I don't have a concrete plan for the next week, except that tomorrow and Wednesday morning I'm completing my last two days of student teaching...unless D comes home early...then I'm skipping.
Student teaching...heavens, I can't believe I've come to the end. I'm a little heartbroken, and surprised to be so. I'm going to miss my seniors. I'm going to miss starting out each day with a clear mission in mind. I'm going to miss that feeling of WORTH. However, it isn't all bad. I'm excited to sleep past 5am again, and excited to spend more time with my children than the daycare teachers do. Oh, and that whole graduation and the prospect of a paying job in the future is exciting.
So that's where we are right now. In limbo, waiting. After all, it wouldn't seem right if we weren't yielding all of our plans for this Army life.
I think what I hate the most about the entire "waiting" process is that I don't know exactly what it is that I'm waiting for. Well, I know WHAT it is I'm waiting for - a dramatic spectacle of a reunion in the middle of the airport, an emotional rejoining of my husband with my children, a much-needed vacation as a family, just one full night of sleep since having Carv, and doing something more exciting than folding clothes in the bedroom. ;)
Ok, so back to waiting - Daniel is currently at Bagram Airfield, and then has two more steps before making it to Pitt. His goal, our goal, is for him to make it on the 14th - sooner will send him back too closely to Christmas and later, well, later just sucks. And we go on vacay on Tuesday, so some down time before then would be nice. So all the stars, airplanes, and time-zones must align to get Daniel on an available plane when need be. All of this being said, my controlling side is in misery that I don't have a concrete plan for the next week, except that tomorrow and Wednesday morning I'm completing my last two days of student teaching...unless D comes home early...then I'm skipping.
Student teaching...heavens, I can't believe I've come to the end. I'm a little heartbroken, and surprised to be so. I'm going to miss my seniors. I'm going to miss starting out each day with a clear mission in mind. I'm going to miss that feeling of WORTH. However, it isn't all bad. I'm excited to sleep past 5am again, and excited to spend more time with my children than the daycare teachers do. Oh, and that whole graduation and the prospect of a paying job in the future is exciting.
So that's where we are right now. In limbo, waiting. After all, it wouldn't seem right if we weren't yielding all of our plans for this Army life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)