He's Leaving on a Jet Plane...

Daniel left for Afghanistan in the middle of the night.  It was rough to wake up and know that he was halfway around the world.  Worse now is not knowing exactly where he is and when I'll hear from him.  I'm fearful of the secrets that this year is still hiding from us, but I'm calmer than I expected to be.  This evening I was remembering when Daniel left for Korea.  I was a few months pregnant with our first child, who is now 6.  When I finally got the call from Daniel that he had arrived safely in Korea, I cried all night long.  God has brought me a long way since then.  I'm not the newbie Army wife that I once was, but it still burns like it did back then.  I'm exhausted from caring for all three kids on my own, but I am so grateful for them - for obvious reasons, and also because they fill my days and make sleep so alluring at night. 

We had a really amazing weekend together and I don't at all regret going.  The goodbye was uneventful - we parted in a Sheetz parking lot.  How dramatic can that possibly be?  And he made me drive off first, which was good because you can't sob and drive safely, so the tears were minimal.  The weekend was filled with a lot of "normal", and it was fantastic.

Normal followed us into our conversation last night as well.  It was difficult last night to know how to talk and what to say, and so we filled one another in on very normal happenings.  I felt like I needed to be on the phone with him as much as possible, but there was only so much to say.  We are best friends, and I don't think much goes unsaid between us.  Therefore, what's left to say in those "final" moments before he goes?  Not much, except I love you, I love you, I love you.  No matter how many times I hear it or say it, it's never enough.  Can't wait to hear it again. 

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Well, Daniel has been gone for nearly 3 weeks now, and I'm proud to say we are surviving!  Shout out to Delta Airlines!  Saying goodbye to him at the airport was sooo much easier because of Delta.  They gave me a gate pass to take him all the way to his gate.  I even got to stand and watch his plane take off.  It was great closure to not just watch him walk away from me in the middle of a busy airport.  I was able to watch him board and fly off, then was able to sit with my Carver and collect myself before leaving.  Props to Delta for being SO amazing!  We will absolutely fly with them again!

 So, since I had such a fantastic goodbye experience, I thought I'd do it again.  Yes, I'm a sucker for self torture.  Daniel has been in New Jersey these past 3 weeks waiting for a flight out.  That flight is now set for a week from today.  I'm eager for him to go, as the faster he goes, the faster he returns.  Obviously, though, there are normal concerns with him being in Afghanistan.  Because he has been in Jersey for so long, we have arranged to meet up tomorrow afternoon and spend the weekend together.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about this opportunity.  Clearly I miss him and want to see him.  My fears lie in the fact that I have adjusted to him being gone, I have dealt with a sad goodbye, and I am surviving.  I have worries that I'm going to, in a sense, start the process all over and lose the momentum I've gained.  I'm HOPING that instead it rejuvenates me and, since he isn't coming home but we are meeting in a neutral place, going back to doing things solo will not be overly complicated.  I'll be sure to rate my misery for all my faithful readers once the torture process is complete.  :) 

I thought I would close this post by showing just a few ways in which God has really been showing me His faithfulness these past weeks. 
~I normally HATE staying home alone, and yet not one night have I been fearful being alone.  God has given us such a comfortable, safe home, and it has made all the difference. 
~We have survived a holiday without Daniel already; Easter was enjoyable, though I of course felt sorry for Daniel, celebrating solo with Bony. 
~The kids have had a difficult time adjusting.  By this I mean they have been royal brats.  :)  I am so grateful that I have family who has been so helpful with them.  The kids are coming around and starting to adjust (hence the reason Carver and I are the only ones going to visit Daniel!)
~I have been given confidence in new found independence.  I have set mouse traps (after my amazing cousin and her boyfriend came in the middle of the night to confirm its existence), changed smoke detector batteries, taken out the garbage each week, taken a successful road trip, dealt with a dead car battery (not exactly alone because my wonderful aunt and uncle rescued me!), and today I locked myself out of the house, to be rescued by my mom, who happened to be home from work this morning.  Her being home was such a huge blessing considering that I had locked my phone in the house and was in sweatpants and a tshirt (with no bra), unbrushed teeth and hair, and no coat.  Having to go to her work to get the spare key would have been incredibly humiliating!
~I'm looking forward to God showing His faithfulness to us again and again through this year.