Double Dog Dare Ya

I'm writing from the comfort of a hotel room with my three babies asleep around me (finally!).  It's as if they all gave in at once and tuckered out within just a couple of minutes of each other.  My incredibly amazing husband is finishing up some stuff at the house.  For some reason, we always have a ridiculous amount of garbage every time we move.  By the time I get to day three or four of packing, I start just throwing things into the garbage piles.  Then, by the end, we have garbage galore.  So tonight, after spending the day loading the moving truck and helping me clean, Daniel is dealing with the garbage and packing his military gear.  It is in these "little" ways that I am reminded how good I have it! 

As we've been packing and focusing on this move the last few days, I've also been doing The Love Dare.  If you have never heard of it, it's an amazing book that challenges couples (or just one partner) to show love to their spouse in different ways for 40 days.  This is the second time I've done the dare.  I felt that with Daniel preparing to leave it would be a "fun" way to show him my love and gratitude for the husband that he is.  I'm ashamed to say that Daniel is naturally more selfless and loving than I am, and this book makes me consciously consider my words/thought/actions/attitude towards him throughout the day.  For the first few days of the dare I could say nothing negative to him.  When we are stressed and moving and packing and with each other constantly, that is HARD!  This time doing the dare I told him about it in advance, whereas before I kept it a secret.  It has been fun this time to discuss it together.  Yesterday my dare was to not act irritable in any way.  I am generally irritable.  Lol.  So to not be irritable when we were doing so much packing felt impossible.  But I was amazed at how easy it was after a few days of the dare and focusing my prayers on being loving towards Daniel.  I'll continue to mention how the dare is going throughout the duration.

Once Daniel leaves, I think I'm going to configure the dare to do it towards Julian and Hazel.  I should have plenty of time to dwell on it during the next couple days, as we are beginning our drive to Pa tomorrow.  I'm anxious about the trip, as I will be driving one of our vehicles.  This is definitely a first.  The furthest distance I have ever driven is 3 hours; the entirety of this trip is 10.  So in an effort to be a brave big girl, I'm doing the grown up thing and driving one of the cars to Pa.  God grant me the...well, everything.  So far it looks like He's granting me a lot of wonderful in regards to weather, and I'm grateful!  I think this trip could be an encouragement to me on the idea of surviving this next year while Daniel is in Afghanistan.
 
I'm not feeling ready to deal with my feelings on Afghanistan.  I have a lot of fears, and it's not that I'm in denial, but I'm having a hard time imagining how it's going to be with him gone for so long.  Although we have been separated for such a long time before, we are more "us" than we were then.  I pray this is going to bring us closer in the long run.  Ultimately I pray for his safe return.
Well, for the last time, at least for awhile, love from NC!

Comrades

A lot has been happening these past few weeks, and I am, as always, overwhelmed by the goodness of our God.  Last Monday, after daniel had returned from certification, we were informed that his deployment was being moved up a month.  Since he was already deploying in less than 2 months, moving it up a month was kind of a big deal.  Daniel's kennel master called us in to discuss the change.  I'll be honest - I thought I knew how this conversation would go.  "Mrs. Sandoval, this isn't our fault, it's the fault of someone much more important than me.  If I could help I would.  This is how the Army is sometimes.  Blah Blah Blah."  I nestled onto the couch in the kennels day room, took a deep breath, and practiced my "this is my happy attitude" face.  My practiced expression was quickly replaced with surprise when Webster, the kennel master, instead asked, "What do you need from me?"
"Uh..."
"I want to help you prepare a plan to take to the commander, and then to battalion and brigade," he explained.  "Lets find a date that works for everyone."
I was shocked, astounded, and a number of other synonyms for surprise.  With Daniel and Web, we created a plan that would allow us our 30 days of leave as a family, give us time to settle into our new home as a family of five, and have daniel in country at a time that would please everyone.  The friendliness and kindness from Web was something I had never encountered so easily with chain of command, and I am so incredibly grateful.


A TRIBUTE

DIANE

Also last week, I was surprised when my childhood best friend asked if she could come visit.  She flew in Thursday morning and we had a wonderful long weekend catching up.  Diane and I ventured through a lot together growing up.  We went from playing barbies, to boy talk, to weddings, to babies. She reminded me how blessed I am to have friends from all around the country, and her very presence made me think of all the friends I have made with each move. 

 LESLIE

Leslie was my very first Army friend.  Her husband, Josh, worked with Daniel, and I met them within days of arriving at Fort Leonard Wood, just after Daniel and I were married.  She took me under her wing and taught me so much.  We had sleepovers when our husband were away, we shopped together, cried together, fumed together, laughed together.  She was my best friend.  When our husbands both went to Korea, I even stayed with Leslie for some of the time.  This past July, she lost her husband in Afghanistan.  Even in her grief, she continues to teach me about strength, grace, and life.  I am so honored to have such a beautiful woman as my friend.

JOLENE

I met Jolene within a couple months of moving to Fort Campbell.  I was in search of my Leslie replacement at our new duty station, and after leaving a dinner party at Jolene's I told Daniel, "I found my Leslie".  Like Les, she was more knowledgeable about everything - the military, marriage, raising children, and just life.  We were inseparable, and when her husband deployed, I felt that Jolene and her two girls became an extension of our family.  Leaving her when we moved on was achingly hard for me.  I still consider her one of my best friends, though life has gotten in the way as of late and we talk less often that we'd like.

HEATHER

It took a long time to find my Leslie-Jolene when we moved into the recruiting world.  We were no longer surrounded by other army families who understood the need to make friends quickly and intensely.  I met Heather at a Bible Study more than 6 months after we moved to the area.  Until that time, I had essentially been friendless.  I had a few people who were friendly to me, but no one that I could confide in, celebrate with.  No one to provide playmates for my kids.  I was the loneliest I had ever been.  When Heather took me in as a friend, our recruiting town became home.  Heather also taught me a lot through our laughter and tears.  She taught me a lot about motherhood, and a great deal about living life as a christian mom and wife.  Together we took on the children's program at church, and we became incredibly close.  Today, she is still the person I go to on a daily basis for friendship, advice, laughter and sympathy.  I miss her terribly.

JESSICA

I met Jessica the day her husband returned from Afghanistan.  There was a homecoming at the kennels, and because we were new to Fort Bragg, I wanted to go along with the hope of meeting people. As most military friendships go, we bonded quickly.  Because our husband's mostly work the same schedule, we have a lot of opportunity to simply hang out together.  She was a comfort when I was expecting our third child in a foreign place to us, and she has been a wealth of knowledge and help related to fort Bragg and Daniel's upcoming deployment.  Even upon leaving, I know her friendship will be one that will continue despite the distance.

Considering the best friends God has given me along the way is a comfort with this move and daniel's deployment approaching.  He has shown faithful with each move that He will not only provide my needs, but He provides comfort and friendship each time.  While I may feel that my world is upside down, I know He is a friend who cares and is going to provide for me, for Daniel, for the kids. It's those little assurances that are so comforting right now.

Cover My Six

Having Daniel gone this week has been a real eye opener to how much he and I work as a team in parenting.  I am exhausted, particularly from my little Hazel.  At three, Hazel is famous for her temper tantrums.  She screams like I have never heard a child scream before.  And she is just loud in general.  When Hazel whispers, you can hear her two rooms away.  When she talks normal, you can hear every word from another story of the house.  Hazel screams when she wants something, screams when she needs something, screams and throws herself on the floor when she's angry.  She even throws fits in the middle of the night - this is no joke.  Last night she was sleeping in bed with me, and she woke up, kicked her feet and flopped around like a fish, screaming. She sounded like she was being killed.  When I finally got her calmed down she said, "I just wanted to get up and play.  I don't want to go to sleep."  Are you kidding me??  It's 4am!!  How are you even awake enough to throw a tantrum at 4am?
Tuesday night I was especially overwhelmed with Hazel's tantrums.  I was laying in bed feeling particularly awful about my mothering skills.  What on earth have I done wrong that could produce such an easily angered child?  A child who believes that she is so deserving of everything that the smallest hint of "no" will throw her into a fit?  I decided that she gets her cues from me, and instead of yelling back at her, or becoming angry, I need to teach her in love.  And what better way to teach love than to instill the biblical truths that will make her the loving, respected, kind, happy child of God that I wish for her to be.  Laying in bed, I also decided that i wanted to begin teaching her verses, and using those verses to help her understand how she should behave.  I started to drift off as I tried to think of verses that would encourage her, not just feel like a reprimand.
The next morning was MOPS.  The original speaker was unable to attend, so one of the moms was invited to speak.  she is also the head of the children's program at our large church.  It's not that I don't believe that God is listening and cares for my every need, but I think my mouth dropped open when she said that she was going to discuss verses that could help us show our children how to grow in love. I loved what she shared!
My plan is to decoratively hang these verses in their playroom on painted cookie sheets.  When Hazel makes a good choice that applies to one of these verses, I will praise her, say the verse with her, and allow her to place a magnet on her "Good Choice Chart". (We made really cute magnets at MOPS that I think Hazel will enjoy making).  When she reaches so many magnets (I need to see first how fast she accumulates them), she will get a prize.  I'm not sure what to do about her bad behavior (ideas are welcome!).  Do I take away magnets?  Or leave the verses and magnets only for good behavior?  It still has a few kinks, but I'm excited to get it started. 
I often work to convince myself that God has things under control, big and small, but I'm always so surprised when He shows me how faithful He is.  I cried, "I'm not sure how to parent her; she's difficult!", and within 12 hours He was showing me.  It was just another assurance that He hears me, loves me, loves Hazel, and he's got our backs!

In other news, Daniel passed certification with his explosive detection dog!!! YAY!  This means that he will be deploying for certain to Afghanistan in April.  While I hate the idea of him leaving, I'm ready to get it started and over with.  We've had a few house leads back home, and are waiting for God to show us the right one and work out the details.

Here are the verses that were shared at MOPS this week:
ATTENTIVE: Prov. 4:20 - "Pay attention, my child, to what I say, listen carefully."

OBEDIENCE: Eph. 6:1 - "Children, obey your parents int he Lord, for this is right."

DILIGENCE: Prov. 10:4 - "Diligent hands bring wealth."

FORGIVENESS: Col. 3:13 - "Forgives as the Lord forgave you."

PATIENCE: Eph 4:2 - "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love".

FAITH: Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see".

HONESTY: Prov. 16:13 - Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth".

GENEROSITY: James 1:17 - "Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights".

THANKFULNESS: 1 Thess. 5:18 - "Give thanks in all circumstances".

PRAYERFUL: Prov. 15:8 - "The Lord delights in the prayers of His people".

SERVING: Phil 2:4 - "Each of you should look no only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others".

SELF-DISCIPLINE: 2 Tim. 1:7 - "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of love and of self-discipline". 

Hurry up...and wait

When I first married Daniel seven years ago, I had often heard him and his family (all prior military) joke about the famous ways of the Army - to hurry up, and then to wait on them.  Throughout the years, the joke has become less funny and proven incredibly true.  There is only so much we can do on our end, and then we are at their mercy. I have rarely been more aware of this than when we move, and this time is no different. 
If (when) Daniel certifies with Bony, his explosive detecting working dog, this week, then his deployment is practically set in stone and we need to scurry to locate a home for me close to family in Pennsylvania.  This week, therefore, I am calling about rentals and searching for a place to live, but I can't commit to anything until the end of the week, at the absolute soonest.  And even that is risky, as Daniel's date could change before we get official orders (and even after if they so desired). 
This may sound as though I am complaining, and I promise that I'm not.  I'm simply setting the backdrop to my oldest battle - trust.  My mom is looking at a house for us tomorrow that sounds perfect, but the landlord told me that others are looking as well.  It's hard for me to remind myself that God really does want what is best for me.  If I don't get that house, it is for a reason.  Perhaps because he has an even better one, or perhaps simply because it's not what He wants for me. 
I think God must have chuckled when He chose Daniel, my military man, for me.  He knew that I would have to learn to be patient and to rely on Him more.  And He knew what a challenge that would be for me.  I always want to pull the trigger before I barely have the target in my sights.  I would have hoped that after 7 years as an Army wife, 21 years as a Christian, I would have this down by now.  But no, I'm still hurrying up, and then slamming on the brakes while I learn to wait.
A friend of mine sent me her own blog to edit earlier this week.  Not sure if it was because she truly wanted me to insert my commas and suggestions everywhere (which I did), or if she wanted to be assured that I read it (which I can certainly appreciate).  Her blog was on worry.  One of the things that stood out to me most was that she said worrying is allowing Satan to reign.  Such an obvious thing, but I never thought of it that way.  When I worry, Satan is winning.  Shivers and Ick - that's for you, Mom.
So tonight, when I think about the ranch house that sits comfortably between my mom and mother in law, I'll pray for guidance and an obvious answer.  No worries here! 

God Bought the Ticket

Very early this morning I sent Daniel off to the airport; he's headed for certification with his military working dog, Bony.  After he left, I settled back into bed, hoping to gain a couple more hours before our 6 week old, Carver, woke to eat again.  Instead of waking to a crying baby, I woke to my ringing phone around 6am.  It was Daniel; at the fault of the Army, his government travel card wouldn't work and he needed a way to buy his roundtrip ticket.  "How much?" I asked groggily.  "Just over $1000".  I knew we didn't have that in our bank account, and while I wanted to say, "Too bad for the Army, then; come back home!" I knew that wasn't possible.  "Babe, we got our tax money deposited in the account sometime throughout the night," Daniel said, breaking into my worries and causing me to almost laugh.  There goes God, taking care of us again.  "I just want to make sure you're ok with me using it," Daniel said. "We'll get it paid back to us." 
This is far from the first time that God has stepped in in a "little" big way and shown Himself to us.  With this deployment approaching, I have a lot of fears.  What if Daniel doesn't come back as himself?  What if the kids and I kill each other before the year is out?  What if I can't find a comfortable place to live back in my hometown?  What if he doesn't come back at all???  And then God steps in and pays the plane ticket.  He might as well have taken me by the shoulders and yelled loud enough for me to hear through all my human doubts, "Child!  Why do you doubt that I can't take care of you?  That I don't love you?  That I don't have your best interest at the very core of every moment?"  I know that this doesn't mean that bad things won't happen; I have seen too much sadness in my friends' lives this last year.  But what He is saying is that He is bigger than it all, and when it all comes down to it, He'll fly us where we need to go...both literally and figuratively speaking, of course. 

About Face

The title of my blog, "Yield, Army Life Crossing" is how I have often considered our existence in the Army when I'm not putting much thought in to it.  My husband Daniel and I have been "yielding" together for over seven years now, ever since we married in October of '04; Daniel has been in for over ten years.  I have never considered that this life would be an ongoing one - in my mind it was always just something that we were getting out of the way until we were ready to start our "real life".
I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the lifestyle and opportunities the Army has given us, so please do not think that this is going to be a blog that focuses on bashing and smashing the government and military; it is not.  Along the way I have met friends that I can't imagine living without, lived in places I never would have had the opportunity to even visit without the military, and lived a comfortable lifestyle that a typical couple without a college degree between them would not have been awarded.  What this blog is about is sharing and exploring our life and my feelings on such at any given moment. 
I have decided to start this blog now because Daniel will be deploying to Afghanistan within the next couple months.  This will be our first deployment as a married couple, and his first "combat" deployment; he has previously served in Kosovo and Cuba before we were married, and he was stationed in Korea for a year in the early stage of our marriage.  Having this blog as an outpouring of my fears, the happenings, and our life along the way will hopefully help the process flow a little more smoothly.
Although I certainly plan to discuss our life as a military family, I am indeed just an average wife living a life that, to some, is a little less than ordinary.  That said, I'll obviously also discuss life as a mom, as a student, as a friend, as a daughter, as a christian, and as just a normal woman.  I look forward to looking back on this 15 months from now and knowing that we survived this deployment, and having the ability to look at each step that took us through it.  For the next year I will be yielding my daily life to what the military has asked of my husband, has asked of us.  But you better believe I will also be living!