I've Got the Power

You know that super catchy 90's song "I've Got the Power"?  It's stuck in my head now.  Why?  Oh, I'm so glad you asked! 
My dear friend Heather gave me the book "Praying God's Word for your Husband" for Christmas.  We hadn't talked about it at all; she simply messaged me one day and said she got this book for me and it should be arriving soon.  It came while Daniel was home on leave, so I looked it over quickly, then tucked it away until I "had time."  Yesterday morning I decided it was time that I make time.  Make time for the book, but more accurately make time to start doing morning devotions.  It's been a LONG time since I've started my day with God, and looking back, it's amazing to me that He has allowed this year to go so smoothly with me ambling my way through it each day with merely a harried, desperate prayer here and there.  So yesterday I started the book and read the first chapter, titled How to Use this Book.  I wasn't sure I was going to like it.  It sounded like it was written for women who were in a struggling marriage and they didn't particularly want to pray for their husbands, but their marriage depended on such an act.  Please don't think I'm bragging, because God knows Daniel and I have had our bumps and downright large friggen pot holes along the way, but for the most part, we are in a happy, healthy, and very loving marriage.  So I thought, "well, I'll give the book a couple more days, and if it doesn't suit, maybe I can think of a friend to give it to".  Today I made my coffee after dropping J and H at school (measuring out each bit and adding it to my fitness tracker like every good chubby girl does just after the new year) and snuggled up on the couch to begin reading while Carver roamed the living room munching on his pancakeys (watching him slobber all over them and leave little pieces on my floor is a lot cuter if I call them pancakeYs, trust me).  Ok, anyway, back to the book.  Today's chapter was titled Preparing Your Heart for Prayer for your Husband.  It was a short chapter, but it really emphasized to me the idea that maybe this book was for a troubled marriage instead of "my" marriage.  Since it was so short I decided to read one more and then if it doesn't pick up I'll shelf it for now.  The next chapter was Why Pray this Way.  I didn't get far.  Not because it wasn't good, but because suddenly, it was speaking to me and my prayer design.  The author, Kathi Lipp, started the chapter by saying, "When Roger and I were first married, I took the shooting-gallery approach to praying for him" (Lipp, p31).  Um, YEAH!  That sounds similar to my prayers!  God, be with Daniel.  Keep him safe.  Give him Christian friends there.  Help him to stay healthy and heal his cold quickly if it's your will.  I pray he isn't lonely but misses us enough to want to come home.  If it's your will, bring him home....  nope, can't say that one, because I can't deal with it not being His will, so I often just ignore that piece.  Pow, pow, pow.  Did I hit every area of his life to cover him enough in prayer? 
Now let me clarify, it's not that I don't WANT to pray for him, but the thoughts of all his needs and what exactly he needs prayer for overwhelms me, and I'm tired and overwhelmed and WHAT IF what I want for him isn't what God wants for him?  So I just skip over that part, like when the kids ask if I'll get them a snack and I pretend not to hear them in hopes they forget.
So now, I'm intrigued, and I keep reading.  How does she pray now that makes it different?  Is it really a method so substantial that it can completely alter my prayer life for more than just a few days?  This is when I really started to get interested: she said that she always prayed "your will be done" or "I want what you want, God".  Yep, that's how I pray!  Isn't that how all good Christians pray?  Especially us Baptists! :)  And then, doesn't it feel almost a little silly to pray?  Like I'm just reminding God that His ideas are the best and that's what we will go with?  Now please don't think I'm saying that isn't true - God's ideas obviously ARE the best and that's what I want to be ok with, but praying that way feels invaluable, impersonal, and redundant.  So how to change it? 
Pray the scriptures!  Duh (I use that phrase a lot and while I was student teaching my ninth graders informed me it wasn't cool anymore and hadn't been for a long time; I just can't seem to let it go, though!).  I have always, since the time I was small, been taught that the Bible and the scriptures are a sword we can use in battle.  Arm yourself!  Learn your verses (and you can win a small gold fish at the end of the year!).  But for whatever reason, in the way she said it at that moment, I got it.  If I pray the scriptures, then why do I need to say "your will"?  It's the scriptures!  Of course it's His will!  So "God, please be a refuge and strength to Daniel.  Show him that you are his ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1).  "God, help Daniel to be righteous.  You say that 'the righteous person may have many troubles, but but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken" (Psalm 34: 19-20).  
I've got the power.  Not because I'm so strong and great and righteous.  Because God has GIVEN it to me in His word.  "Sabrina, here is my plan for you in all these pages.  Pray my will - you'll find it RIGHT HERE.  And then, you will be awarded the desires of your heart because if you are praying the scriptures and seeking them out, then you are a women after My heart, and My will."  My will will mesh with His because we'll be on the same page.  DUH, Sabrina!  :)  "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" (John 15:7).  God can promise me this because if I'm in his words, my desires are His.  I'll continue in chapter 3 tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it!

I'll continue my telling of leave tomorrow.  I've yacked enough today.  :) 

Leave - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Leave has come and gone, and we are now 5 days into his second part of the deployment which, thankfully, is only about 4 months long.
Now, leave is a wonderful concept.  It's something to look forward to when they board that plane for the first time; it's a reprieve that seems attainable.  Daniel and I waited until month 8 of his deployment for him to take leave, and since he was at Fort Dix awaiting a flight to Afghanistan for a month, we were technically at the 9 month mark of living separately.  So leave was still far off when he left the first time, but it still felt a lot closer than the end of the deployment.  I tried to listen to the advice of all my fellow Army spouses when it came to planning leave - make time for just our little family, don't rush around the whole time, just be together as a family.  So, with this advice in mind, Daniel and I planned our leave.  It fell over Christmas break, so we would use the holiday to see extended family.  Also, Carv's first birthday took place while D was home, so we planned a party so we could see family and friends all at once, thus freeing up more days for just us and the kids.  To enhance our time as just our little family of five, we booked a two night vacay for Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio.  Finally, because he came home almost a week after originally planned, he was going to be here for New Year's, so we decided to go visit some friends out of town.  So we had 16 days in which to have Carver's bday, Christmas, vacation, and a visit to friends.  It seemed simple enough and seemed to offer a lot of family time.
Leave, Day One:  Daniel flew into Pitt around 5 the evening of the 19th.  My wonderful cousin Olivia watched the baby during the day, and my mom took them for the evening.  My cousin Samantha did my hair and makeup, and my aunt, Samantha, and friend Josh helped pick my outfit a few days before.  I was ready!  The airport, and Delta specifically, was amazing and let me go to the gate to greet him.  Seeing him walk out of the gate was incredible.  There he was, right in front of me, and suddenly it seemed like he hadn't even been gone.  I know that sounds so cheesy, but we were us again.  We left the airport and went to my mom's to surprise the kids, who had no idea what their "Christmas surprise" was going to be.  Their faces when they saw their daddy were incredible!  Julian's mouth just hung open, and then he ran to Daniel.  Hazel didn't even realize what was happening just behind her (daniel and julian reuniting) and was chatting away until she saw him.  Then, after a moment of uncertainty of what to do, she ran to him as well.  They were so cute, trying to steal his attention, climbing all over him, just loving having him home.  Carv was leery, but still played with him from afar or from the safety of my arms.  The first night together as a family was wonderful, and leave was off to a great start.   

I love the kids faces in this picture; it's so indicative of how we all felt.  Hazel - not really sure what to think of it all, but just HAPPY!!!  Julian - absolute bliss.  Carver - Who heck is this guy??  Lol.

------------------------------->  Insert Unexpected Life Events Here. <------------------------------------
On day two of Daniel's leave my mom called me about mid afternoon.  My grampa had fallen at a bank on Main street and was at the hospital.  My mom was more than a half hour away and asked me to go over with my aunt to see how grampa was.  I was shocked to go in and find him on a back-board, his head braced still, a huge bloody gash on his head.  A CT scan had revealed that he was bleeding on the brain, and before we could even take it all in, they were rushing him to a hospital in Pitt that was more capable of handling his situation.  I couldn't believe it, and still cant.  A fall??  He fell down four steps.  FOUR.  Is this really going to be what causes my strong, independent grandfather of 88 to deteriorate?  It seemed like a sick joke.

Sunday morning, day 4 of leave, I woke up early with my hands feeling swollen and itchy.  A look in the mirror told me something was wrong; my lips were puffy and my skin was red.  By the time I woke Daniel and sent him off to the store for Benadryl, my mom was sending Harold over to watch the kids so Daniel could take me to the ER (Mom was headed to Pitt to be with grandpa).  By the time we got the ER my tongue was swollen, my skin was red and hot with welts, my whole face was swollen, and my hands.  They gave me an IV of Benadryl, epinephrine, and steroids, and after my looks returned to normal, we headed home for me to sleep off the Benadryl.  Our plan for a nice morning at church was ruined. 

The next few days continued as planned, with a few changes here and there because of Grampa's hospitalization.  Additionally, Hazel was sent home from preschool with suspicion of pink eye.  We began treating her immediately, praying that it wouldn't spread to the rest of the family. Carver's birthday party was wonderful and we had a lot of fun with everyone.  Despite being with my grampa at the hospital all day, my mom and her husband, Harold, took the kids overnight for us. We had a wonderful evening together.

Happy First Birthday, Carver B!!!

The next few days we celebrated Christmas with Daniel's family; it was really nice to have us all together again.  Christmas morning was fantastic; the kids had a blast, especially because Daddy was home to enjoy it all with us.
 

Christmas day we went to Aunt Holly's; she and her fiance Sean slaved over Christmas dinner for us, despite all the time they had been traveling back and forth from the hospital. Though we all enjoyed family time, there was a heavy cloud over us with grampa in the hospital.  We weren't sure of the details of Grampa's injury.  One moment the doctors were saying that they expected a good recovery, despite Grampa being confused and combative.  Next, there were great concern that brain surgery could be just around the corner.  My devoted mom and Harold left our Christmas gathering early and rushed back down to the hospital to see Grampa for Christmas, whether Grampa could realize it or not.  Finally, Christmas day ended with exchanging gifts and sharing the Christmas story with Daniel's family.

Merry Christmas!

I struggled through leave to celebrate and enjoy being with Daniel knowing that Grampa was in the hospital and all of my family was scurrying around trying to care for him as best as they could.  There was a lot of guilt at not going to be with him myself, even while others assured me that my place was with Daniel and the kids.  Finally, though, things looked to be on the up with grampa.  They were sending him back to our local hospital to start therapy now that he was stabilized.

Despite all the craziness with grampa, my gracious mom and Harold had Daniel, myself and the kids over for dinner so we could all exchange gifts.  After gifts and dinner, we spent time playing with Julian's new nerf guns.  It was a lot of family fun. 


The following day was Great Wolf Lodge, so we headed home to pack up and prepare for our trip.  I know some of the details of my sharing are tedious, but someday, I want to look back and remember all that leave was, despite the way it felt at the moment - but more about that tomorrow.