Prone To Wander

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love!"

Oh, I am so prone to wander.  I am so prone to be so consumed in all my troubles that they overwhelm me, they sink me, and I wander into a dangerous land.  I wander into the land of "it isn't fair" and "I deserve better!"  Oh, what a dangerous place to visit, and what an even more dangerous place to stay over!  I tried to keep my visit short this time, only wallowing in the cave of self-pity for a short time. 

I need to try to recognize more often how lucky and blessed I am.  Today was a friend's bridal shower, and I am one of her bridesmaids.  It was a really busy weekend, and I often felt like I was running and running to keep up with everything.  I missed Carver terribly, as though he was with me, I wasn't getting any cuddle time in.  All that said, I could NOT have made it through without my mom.  She was so helpful with the kids.  She took Hazel and J last night for me, and today at the shower she watched both Hazel and Carv, while Harold was so wonderful to keep J.  Then, she brought them home for me so that I could stay and help clean up. 
This past week, my mother in law gave me three hours of sleeping in one morning as my "father's day" gift.  It was wonderful!  Plus, she kept Carver in the evening so that I could do some shopping for the shower. 
My cousin Samantha was a wonderful help, helping out with the kids, going with me while I ran them back and forth to VBS, and even keeping me company one night and then cleaning up my house the next morning.  I have SO much help!!!, so why is it so easy for Satan to sweep in and knock my legs out from under me? 

In addition to all the help I receive, I'm also grateful for my kids.  It is so, so easy for me to complain about them, and it's even easier for me to dwell on the responsibility that is wrapped up with each one of them.  I'm going to make a conscious effort this week to FOCUS on the amazingness of my kids.  The way they make me laugh, the things they teach me, the joy that they are.  This year would undoubtedly be easier if I had no children, but it would also be lonelier and would drag by terribly. 

"Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it; seal it for thy courts above!"